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  • reincarnated passion is the latest theme for absoluteicyness, one of the two blogs of HM. Here is where rants go to, latest informaion on her favourites and perhaps a showcase of her graphics. For the other blog, please visit memorialhime. Contact.

    Igai

    So the reality of being the only one alone in my small group of friends is slowly sinking in.

    Another one, next month and the ‘closest’ is next year and boy she is sure quick but then again if he’s the one, why wait any longer since we are not any younger? Nevertheless I am still in shock.

    While I am trying to get use to it, being alone is unavoidable already so I was still hoping for another trip together but I guess it will be hard. Will I end up like the Aussie who I met in Osaka by choice or by fate?

    Gosh even the group next to me is planning a wedding.

    運命の人本当にいるかどうかわからない。でも年をとって、色々な気持ちがある。だいたい嫌なの。どうしようかな?今日から一番きになる事。

    Embarrassed

    Embarrassed

    Chance upon Amanda’s travel and I am so ashamed that I have yet to complete a single entry on my travels. While I wasted my time trying to learn things half-heartedly, multitasking seriously doesn’t help in the long run. Hopefully I will get something done while I plan for my next trip.

    どんな人になりました

    どんな人になりました

    どんな人になりました

    That’s what I want to know.

    I wish to put the blame onto others, after all if one’s ex colleagues can continue to have a teasing relationship, it must be the current that has resulted in the change right? But I do admit that I am now easily irritated by things and kinda showing a little too much of ‘me’. I forgot that they are just colleagues and just by that definition requires one to face them with some ‘mask’. Too much and hence the need for a bottle of bleach afterall there’s those who will just inform the whole world about it. I hope to see myself as one who doesn’t judge by the hearsays until I have worked with them and I think I am doing my best on that path. But this is not the norm, so I guess I need to restrain myself on many things and remember my past self.

    本当にできるかどうかわかりません。でも今のところはそいうことは必要だと思う。

    The hypocrite in me

    Am I truly doing what is right and preventing them from heading towards a no future path or protecting myself from further hopelessness? 

    Spoken from one who did all to prevent and thankfully there are people who believed enough to help hence eventually left with still a part of it, but then again who am I kidding? Should something happen again, all fingers will point to thou since you are the ‘most senior’ and hence ‘the one in charge’ or so according to the previous head. 

    And so indeed the hypocrite in me is doing all this to protect the little sparkle that is left ahead. And meanwhile performing a practical that is real time hopefully with some goodness obtained and not just plain failures without any learning.

    Am I making any sense? I guess not but I hope that typing it out with the tears will help to ease the sadness welling up in me.

    Untitled for the future

    A horrible thought occurred to me while watching the show- how will I like to be settled when I depart alone and also my parents. The tears just came siding down… It is a very depressing thought and one that I am trying to stop with this post since there’s no place for me to vent. Neither is there any one that I think will listen to me within the short span of attention that I should be able to catch.

    It has been quite a while since they started rolling down unexpectedly. 

    I guess I am constantly trying to be brave and prepare myself for it. Practice makes perfect. But really I think I have always been afraid of being alone. 

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